But, seriously guys, are you fucking kidding me? Let's take a looksie, shall we?
Seems normal eno---OH HELL NAW
I'm going to divide and conquer line by line, so be sure to hunker down and pray for daylight.
Data Entry specialist will be primarily responsible for support to the Brand Managers and Client Relations department. This position reports to the Vice President of Business Management.
So far so good. Seems normal enough. Interesting though that a data entry clerk would directly report to a senior VP, innit? But, I digress... now we get into the actual requirements they're seeking.
DO NOT APPLY UNLESS YOU MEET THESE REQUIREMENTS:
• 3+ years experience performing these job functions as well as misc admin duties
• Must have "strong" Excel, Word, PowerPoint & Outlook experience
• Positive attitude in stressful situations is critical!
• Strong organizational skills, follows directions without questioning the process/procedures
• Must work well in a small office environment- team player 24/7
• Accurate entries 99% and pays close attention to detail
• Arrives to work on time and available for 1-2 days overtime per month
• Temp to perm position
Hmm... okay, the first three items are perfectly understandable and reasonable to me, but on bullet four, we start drifting into murky territory. "Follows directions without questioning the process/procedures" -- Hmm, on ONE hand, I can see this... to a point, but based on things we'll see later on, it sounds as though questions of any kind are frowned upon...
Then we come to the bonus points:
• Can you work with someone who is driven and not a big chatter?
• There are lots of perks in the food industry (coupons, samples,fun
team building activities, excellent benefits)
Not a big chatter? Translation: TALK TO ME AND YOU'RE FIRED. REMEMBER, DON'T QUESTION ME! But hey, coupons. And exactly how do you have team-building activities with a motherfucker that won't talk? But, yeah, coupons!
And now we come to special instructions for applying:
DO NOT APPLY IF:
1) You do not have experience entering ad promotions into the Safeway database.
2) You take things personal and/or intimidated by deadlines and start making mistakes
... ... ... Ok, so wait a minute. So I can't ask questions, I can't talk and I have to walk in knowing what to do already. Seriously? So only... what? People who already work for Safeway (more on this later!) who wouldn't need to apply for this from an internet ad, and... people who either left the job themselves or were fired are the only people who can apply for this job? So the basically placed an ad that at best would potentially reach... two or three people? Unless they have a super high turnover which, ha, doesn't exactly surprise me at the point.
So ridiculous. So ridiculous in fact, that I called the staffing company and inquired. Here's what happened: (My own response ganked from old_age's journal.
Ok, so I thought this was just fucking ridiculous so I looked up the ad and I contacted Michele over at Diversified Personnel who posted the ad. Here's what she had to tell me:
1.) You're not actually working with Safeway, but for a third party (Michele wouldn't tell me the name of the company, maybe Voldemort?) company contracted out to do all this entry shit for Safeway.
2.) Yes, only people who have done this before can do this again. They have no interest, desire, inclination or resources to train someone at all.
So when I asked "Wouldn't this just be for internal people or people who got fired?" she replied with "Well, not necessarily, maybe you left for a better job and that's gone so now you're ready to come back."
... Yeah, seriously. That's no joke.
Also, I know I start to make numerous mistakes when awareness of a deadline creeps up.
For real? Maybe it's just me, but I get sharper and smarter the closer to the wire I get.
So basically, people they've either let go, or who left because they didn't want to work with Fingerman anymore are their only souce of manpower resources.
I personally think this job doesn't exist. I think Safeway's trying to make it look as though they're full of financial vim and vigor in these trouble times, so they're posting job ads with impossible to meet standards. They look like they're hiring and don't ACTUALLY have to hire anyone. It ought to be fucking illegal.