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Nov. 12th, 2008

W T F

Cross-Posted from old_age or What Kind of Fuckery is This?

So, Chris showed me this ad while he was netrawling for viable job ads this week, and I have to say, the shit that companies are doing to jobseekers these days goes way fucking beyond the pale here. I've had my share of WTF situations and hoops to jump through for jobs. I've interviewed for jobs that didn't exist. I've had multiple eight hour day long interviews for a job. I've had to contact my high school alumni association in order to procure confirmation that I actually finished high school for a contracting position after ALL of my previous employment had been vetted. So, I know a thing or two about bullshit hiring practices.

But, seriously guys, are you fucking kidding me? Let's take a looksie, shall we?

Seems normal eno---OH HELL NAW

I'm going to divide and conquer line by line, so be sure to hunker down and pray for daylight.

Data Entry specialist will be primarily responsible for support to the Brand Managers and Client Relations department. This position reports to the Vice President of Business Management.

So far so good. Seems normal enough. Interesting though that a data entry clerk would directly report to a senior VP, innit? But, I digress... now we get into the actual requirements they're seeking.

DO NOT APPLY UNLESS YOU MEET THESE REQUIREMENTS:
• 3+ years experience performing these job functions as well as misc admin duties
• Must have "strong" Excel, Word, PowerPoint & Outlook experience
• Positive attitude in stressful situations is critical!
• Strong organizational skills, follows directions without questioning the process/procedures
• Must work well in a small office environment- team player 24/7
• Accurate entries 99% and pays close attention to detail
• Arrives to work on time and available for 1-2 days overtime per month
• Temp to perm position


Hmm... okay, the first three items are perfectly understandable and reasonable to me, but on bullet four, we start drifting into murky territory. "Follows directions without questioning the process/procedures" -- Hmm, on ONE hand, I can see this... to a point, but based on things we'll see later on, it sounds as though questions of any kind are frowned upon...

Then we come to the bonus points:

Bonus points:
• Can you work with someone who is driven and not a big chatter?
• There are lots of perks in the food industry (coupons, samples,fun
team building activities, excellent benefits)


Not a big chatter? Translation: TALK TO ME AND YOU'RE FIRED. REMEMBER, DON'T QUESTION ME! But hey, coupons. And exactly how do you have team-building activities with a motherfucker that won't talk? But, yeah, coupons!

And now we come to special instructions for applying:

DO NOT APPLY IF:

1) You do not have experience entering ad promotions into the Safeway database.
2) You take things personal and/or intimidated by deadlines and start making mistakes


... ... ... Ok, so wait a minute. So I can't ask questions, I can't talk and I have to walk in knowing what to do already. Seriously? So only... what? People who already work for Safeway (more on this later!) who wouldn't need to apply for this from an internet ad, and... people who either left the job themselves or were fired are the only people who can apply for this job? So the basically placed an ad that at best would potentially reach... two or three people? Unless they have a super high turnover which, ha, doesn't exactly surprise me at the point.

So ridiculous. So ridiculous in fact, that I called the staffing company and inquired. Here's what happened: (My own response ganked from old_age's journal.

Ok, so I thought this was just fucking ridiculous so I looked up the ad and I contacted Michele over at Diversified Personnel who posted the ad. Here's what she had to tell me:

1.) You're not actually working with Safeway, but for a third party (Michele wouldn't tell me the name of the company, maybe Voldemort?) company contracted out to do all this entry shit for Safeway.

2.) Yes, only people who have done this before can do this again. They have no interest, desire, inclination or resources to train someone at all.

So when I asked "Wouldn't this just be for internal people or people who got fired?" she replied with "Well, not necessarily, maybe you left for a better job and that's gone so now you're ready to come back."

... Yeah, seriously. That's no joke.

Also, I know I start to make numerous mistakes when awareness of a deadline creeps up.

?!

For real? Maybe it's just me, but I get sharper and smarter the closer to the wire I get.

So basically, people they've either let go, or who left because they didn't want to work with Fingerman anymore are their only souce of manpower resources.

GTFO, Voldemort/Safeway.



I personally think this job doesn't exist. I think Safeway's trying to make it look as though they're full of financial vim and vigor in these trouble times, so they're posting job ads with impossible to meet standards. They look like they're hiring and don't ACTUALLY have to hire anyone. It ought to be fucking illegal.
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Nov. 10th, 2008

Princess

Got a case of the Mondays?

Well, I have just what you need to chase those Monday blues away. If this doesn't make you laugh your ass off, there's something fucking wrong with you.



<3 <3 <3 <3 HOT DOG!

Oct. 16th, 2008

Favorite Gay

Charmed, I'm sure!

I've had this laying around for awhile now, but I defintely think it applies today for some reason. Maybe I just wanted a reason to post it. Who knows? ;)



How is everyone today?

Oct. 14th, 2008

Remains Sexy While Doing So

Not good week for bart

Yesterday someone was shot at hayward station and today I'm stuck at lafayette station with no etr. I have a meeting in concord @ 11. Ugh.
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Oct. 13th, 2008

OMG YAY!

My face is still wet from crying... I laughed so hard.

Serious Fucking Business

16:25] Bendial80: LMFAO
[16:25] Bendial80: LMFAO
[16:25] Bendial80: LMFAO
[16:25] Bendial80: LMFAO
[16:25] id kickarus: that is INTENSE
[16:25] id kickarus: LOL
[16:25] Bendial80: thats fucking awesome
[16:25] Bendial80: im sure thats a mistake
[16:26] Bendial80: or canadian humor
[16:26] id kickarus: that is my favorite mistake ever
[16:27] Bendial80: LOL
[16:28] Bendial80: the actual unit itself is made by Honda
[16:28] Bendial80: lol
[16:28] Bendial80: its probably a commercial pesticide sprayer or something
[16:28] Bendial80: or a power washer
[16:29] id kickarus: ok, let's examine these options
[16:29] id kickarus: a... commercial pesticide sprayer
[16:29] id kickarus: LOL
[16:29] id kickarus: omg
[16:29] Bendial80: LMAO
[16:29] id kickarus: I am crying
[16:29] Bendial80: KILL IT
[16:29] Bendial80: KILLLLL ITTTT
[16:29] id kickarus: or... a ... POWER WASHER
[16:29] id kickarus: SANDBLASTED PUSSY
[16:29] Bendial80: LMAO
[16:30] Bendial80: NOBODY WANTS TO FUCK UNFLAYED PUSSY
[16:30] id kickarus: I am so posting this in LJ
[16:30] id kickarus: the WHOLE THING, LOL
[16:30] Bendial80: lol

Oct. 10th, 2008

Remains Sexy While Doing So

Bart broke

So apparently, there have been multiple track fires preventing east bay services. Been here for almost an hour now.
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IMG00053.jpg

Oct. 9th, 2008

Remains Sexy While Doing So

Gets dark so early now

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IMG00052.jpg

Remains Sexy While Doing So

IMG00049.jpg

First mobile post
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IMG00049.jpg

Sep. 3rd, 2008

YAY!

This makes me so happy. Thanks old_age

Aug. 29th, 2008

Stupid Spoiled Whore

from tygerversionx

</form>
What American accent do you have?
Created by Xavier on Memegen.net

Western. Like Midland, Western is another accent that people consider neutral. So, you might not actually be from the Western half of the country, but you definitely sound like it.

And if you're not from the West, you are probably one of the following:
(a) A Pittsburgher - the quiz can't tell the difference;
(b) Someone from Canada (probably southern Ontario) who doesn't have a Canadian accent;
(c) Someone from northern New England who doesn't have a New England accent; or
(d) Someone from Texas or the Heartland who was born after 1980.
You are definitely not from New York, New Jersey, Chicago, Detroit, the Deep South, etc.</font>

Take this quiz now - it's easy!
We're going to start with "cot" and "caught." When you say those words do they sound the same or different?



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